Tomorrow is the 14th day. I will double my dosage then. The feeling I had of something changing is gone. I feel like I did before, sleepy a lot and last night I couldn't sleep till about 1 am. I kept tossing and turning and being OCD again. My sex drive is still in neutral still.
I stopped having brain freeze with alcohol, I had slowed down a lot on it, but last night I had a little more than usual, I felt nothing, no buzz, nothing at all. That was one of the reasons I kept drinking, I didn't feel any difference. Only thing is, I couldn't sleep, and was so tired.
I am becoming more irritable and impatient, with myself and with others. My impatience with things is bad too. I don't take the time to put my glasses on, and just guess on which knob turns which burner on. I get mad when I can't see the buttons for the radio in the car,so I poke everything.
Yesterday I forgot which button locks the car, I pushed the wrong one and set off the panic alarm. UGH! I did that because I didn't have the patience to look at the key, so I pressed a button I thought was it. I was just guessing. At times I feel like throwing whatever it is I am trying to figure out.
I can't focus. I feel like my brain just refuses to assimilate anything. I hope raising the dosage helps.
I am going to go to bed and try to sleep. I was doing a bit better, now not so sure.
I have been off coffee since I started the medicine. I had half a cup today, just because it tastes good. It didn't do anything bad to me, or anything good either.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Monday, June 1, 2015
Progress
Today is Monday. This past Friday, we went out to the legion to hang out with friends and have a couple of drinks. I went slow on my drink, but somehow it gave me a terrible brain freeze. It felt like one at least. I slowed down and sipped on it, and still it was bad. I took a break and didn't have a drink for an hour or a bit longer. I had another drink and it did the same, I drank it at a usual pace, it still hurt my head. Not a headache, but more of a brain freeze. I had a ginger ale and then we went home. The head thing dissipated, but I still didn't feel like a drink when we got home. That is unusual for me. I went to bed and tried to watch a movie as usual, but I just wanted to rest, and went to sleep. That also is unusual. I usually have a hard time falling asleep, sometimes I am up till midnight, just trying to sleep. Then I would be up around 3, and awake for about an hour. i try to sleep, really.
Now with this medication I sleep a little better. Still wake up in the middle of the night, but I can fall asleep better.
Sunday we went to Tod and Kelly's house. I had some light wine and mixed it with Sierra Mist. I didn't get brain freeze. I had one cup of sangria at the end of the night, and I felt the brain freeze coming on, but I stopped drinking then and had soda. When we got home, again.. I tried to watch a movie (habit) and had to turn it off and sleep.
My dreams are entertaining, different, so many things going on. Most of them have meaning to me. Like a patchwork quilt of highlights of life blended into an absurd story. I forget most of it though and only remember pieces when I wake up. I used to remember it all, but since I got back in 2007 I keep dreaming stressful dreams or sad ones. Lately it has not been so bad.
I don't feel that much different, maybe a tiny amount of being a bit more alive. As if I was watching TV in black and white all this time, and now I see glimmers of colors in there. Almost like an illusion or mirage.
I am so tired today, but it's been a long day. We had to go to a funeral this morning, (Tony). After that, to the legion and I went with KK to the store to bring pizza back for the legion. After a soda, we went grocery shopping. Then to organize groceries and go get a movie. I came home I was so tired I didn't even want to eat. I laid on the couch to watch the movie. After that, I made myself get up and make icecream. Dwight cleaned the kitchen counters and re organized. i tried so hard to not freak out. I have to mellow out and let him help me. I cannot be so controlling, I have to remember that. The counselor kept telling me that, that I may emasculate him by being so controlling. :( Not my intention at all. But he never takes the lead, so I do, now it's just habit.
Anyway.. I noticed I am not thinking of food all the time, and not hungry all the time as usual. Not sure if the medicine is doing it or not. I have not had coffee since I started the meds. I don't feel the need for it, and I do not feel irritable and nervous. I also have not been having a headache from not having it, which is what usually happens. I feel good!
This morning I had Kool Aid, then water, I had a Diet soda at around noon maybe. Then one slice of pizza (small slice) and a piece of chicken. I then had more water, Kool Aid and now just had half a cup of Indian rice, just so it doesn't go bad. (and now I was a bit hungry) I feel good about this, I am not nervous hungry anymore. I have hopes of loosing weight! (besides my head working hopefully)
Now with this medication I sleep a little better. Still wake up in the middle of the night, but I can fall asleep better.
Sunday we went to Tod and Kelly's house. I had some light wine and mixed it with Sierra Mist. I didn't get brain freeze. I had one cup of sangria at the end of the night, and I felt the brain freeze coming on, but I stopped drinking then and had soda. When we got home, again.. I tried to watch a movie (habit) and had to turn it off and sleep.
My dreams are entertaining, different, so many things going on. Most of them have meaning to me. Like a patchwork quilt of highlights of life blended into an absurd story. I forget most of it though and only remember pieces when I wake up. I used to remember it all, but since I got back in 2007 I keep dreaming stressful dreams or sad ones. Lately it has not been so bad.
I don't feel that much different, maybe a tiny amount of being a bit more alive. As if I was watching TV in black and white all this time, and now I see glimmers of colors in there. Almost like an illusion or mirage.
I am so tired today, but it's been a long day. We had to go to a funeral this morning, (Tony). After that, to the legion and I went with KK to the store to bring pizza back for the legion. After a soda, we went grocery shopping. Then to organize groceries and go get a movie. I came home I was so tired I didn't even want to eat. I laid on the couch to watch the movie. After that, I made myself get up and make icecream. Dwight cleaned the kitchen counters and re organized. i tried so hard to not freak out. I have to mellow out and let him help me. I cannot be so controlling, I have to remember that. The counselor kept telling me that, that I may emasculate him by being so controlling. :( Not my intention at all. But he never takes the lead, so I do, now it's just habit.
Anyway.. I noticed I am not thinking of food all the time, and not hungry all the time as usual. Not sure if the medicine is doing it or not. I have not had coffee since I started the meds. I don't feel the need for it, and I do not feel irritable and nervous. I also have not been having a headache from not having it, which is what usually happens. I feel good!
This morning I had Kool Aid, then water, I had a Diet soda at around noon maybe. Then one slice of pizza (small slice) and a piece of chicken. I then had more water, Kool Aid and now just had half a cup of Indian rice, just so it doesn't go bad. (and now I was a bit hungry) I feel good about this, I am not nervous hungry anymore. I have hopes of loosing weight! (besides my head working hopefully)
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