For the record..

12:45 am

I need to start writing these mood swings down.  It is terrible today, so noticeable, but nobody can tell because I am home alone. 

Maybe writing it down can help me see what is going on in my head more clearly.  I also think it would be good for Dwight and Daniel to see.  They probably can’t tell what is going on in my head.  Dwight keeps saying eh doesn’t see my mood swings much.  I try to keep under control most of the time.

I also hope this helps someone understand us nuts better. 

I was diagnosed in 2006, I am supposed to be on meds, but they mess me up badly.  I try to manage and work with my mood swings.

This morning, took me a while to wake up. I got up and had coffee, sat to check my messages on FB.  Decided I have energy so I should use it and catch up on cleaning the house.  I turned on some music.  It all crept up on me.  I was having 4 conversations on FB and keeping up.  Then it seemed I could not express myself fast enough.

I loved the music, got up and started dancing.  Felt so happy!  Danced around in the kitchen and then started cleaning.

I feel like I have so much  energy I can’t go fast enough.  I feel like there are so many things I want to do at once.  SO many things in my head that I can’t catch one as it goes by.

The music is awesome!  And I can’t sit still.  It feels like the world isn’t moving fast enough for me.

It is getting worse.  Now I feel like crying and screaming and laughing all at once.  I have not felt this way in quite a while. 
I am happy, very happy, I have 2 wonderful men that are so amazing.  I have a beautiful home and everything seems to be looking good ahead.

I so want Dwight and David to be happy.  I want to see if Dwight would go to school and bartend instead of his job.  (yes I mean that, I had that thought a few days ago)

Well anyway, I was going to videotape myself dancing.  Not sure why..  I am charging the camera.

I feel like screaming, like there is so much energy and emotion trapped inside.

As happy as I feel I am scared that I will come down soon, so I am trying to do as much as I can before I burn out and crash.  I hate that part.  I need to do as much around the house as I can for now and later when it’s dark.. start homework.  I am so afraid to come down and leave everything half done.

I was so sad and tired last weekend after Daniel went home I came down a little.

This can’t be normal.  I know it’s not advisable to “ride the wave” when you are manic, but I have to, it will help me catch up on things I need to get done. 

Right now I feel so wired that I am almost shaking.  I only had one cup of coffee.  Other days I can’t half wake up until the evening.  This is not usual for me.  I hate mornings.