Notes to self:
In the case of my sub... (keeping names out of it)
This morning I was talking to him, he seemed angry. I should have realized what was going on when I asked if he was mad. He answered yes, but not sure why. He sounded bitter and seemed resentful of me. Again.. pay attention: NO REASON.
Later we talked a little over messenger and I saw the conversation going no where fast. He was bashing himself, and feeling bad about things. Said he felt worthless, that should have been a clue.
I tried talking to him and explaining how much he means to me, but he had stopped listening. He seemed to be spiraling into self pity. I felt horrible thinking maybe I was hurting him in ways I had not intended. My first reaction was to step back, away from him. I as afraid I was causing him emotional pain.
I need to remember how to tell when he slipping down into the dark side. He was becoming angry and lashing out at me a bit. I felt like he was trying to push me away, and decided maybe to do just that; get away. But about an hour later I realized he was not making sense, and he may be having issues. So I let him be, and waited until he got off work so I could talk with him.
I called and it was clear he was slipping down. I talked to him and he was more receptive and explained how he felt. I understood how he was seeing things at the time. He seemed to be calmer after a while, and I felt better.
He has agreed to listen to me when he can't see things clearly. I will try to pay attention next time and see the signs. That way I can call sooner and make sure he can hear me out.
It feels like a kite, someone needs to grab the string when the wind blows too hard and it looses it's balance. Hold the string until the storm passes.
This is the second time in the last 2 or 3 weeks. One of those times he was feeling terrible, angry and hurt. he left work and went home because he couldn't manage his emotions. I am not sure what triggered that one. I am also not sure if it was just normal feeling of stress and too much on him right now. He does have issues with his divorce and stress about his finances. It is a lot for him to handle sometimes. It is understandable.
I must remember that he may lash out at me because I am close. I need to remember to not let him push me away. I need to stand by him and make sure he can hang in there, even if it takes me yelling at him to get him to slow down and hang in there.
I wish I could help more, but I believe he can get through this. He is stronger than he gives himself credit for.
I cannot believe such a loving beautiful person has been overlooked and pushed aside like he has. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I know he has trouble understanding that. One day he will get it.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Coping with a mood swing (down)
I am continuing to write on this matter of mood swings. Except now they may not be mine. I went to school yes, but real life keeps me on my toes. I want to write about coping skills here, because it may help others. I am writing to help myself right now. You see, a dear friend is having something similar happen to him. I want to remember next time how to spot this, and how to help him. All I can do is share the coping skills I have used with myself in the past and what has worked. I may change some things so it fits him right and I can help at least however I can.
Please note that he has a doctor and a counselor. This is just something to help him cover some things so he can hang in there. Sad to say, I feel counselors, therapists, psychiatrists should help their patients learn how to deal with situations that come up in life when they can't be at the doctor's office. When the patient is home alone, he needs to know how to help himself. There seems to be a shortage on giving a shit about patients. I also realize that the doctors and counselors only see the picture the patient paints. I believe that the patient can, and should bring someone with them that sees them in their daily life. This could help the doctors and counselors understand the patient better, it paints a more complete picture.
And yes medications sometimes are a necessary evil. Please if you are taking meds do not stop without asking your doctor, it is dangerous to just stop.
Medication helps, but it doesn't cure mood swings, and it doesn't help you learn to make good decisions when your judgment is clouded and your "mind vision" is impaired. In this case it is good to have a good friend or family member help you realize you are not quite yourself, and that you need to stay put until the feelings pass.
When this happens to me, I feel like every little misfortune has turned into a big lumbering giant, sitting in my back, suffocating me. I feel a huge weight on me and I feel overwhelmed by bad feelings.
I suddenly think that I am worthless, not good enough. I feel that my husband would be better off with someone else who could make a better wife. I start kicking myself for past mistakes and at times I start having ideas of hurting myself. I have to catch myself and slow down. The trick is to recognize it, that is the hard part. Once you recognize it you need to find a way to control yourself.
There are different ways to do it, and different types of mood swings. For me, when I feel like my problems are too large or I feel down on myself and bad about myself, I go to the bedroom and turn on the TV on Neflix. I sit on the bed with the remote and I do not allow myself to move until the thoughts have dissipated. I play a movie and try to focus on it, and not let the bad thoughts take over. I do not go online, and I allow myself only to call Daniel, he is a good friend too and I trust him completely. I don't always call, but this was learned by trial and error. I used to go online and post stuff I regret later. I did that once, and then realized was a bad idea. I can briefly explain the situation and then talk about other things. Sometimes it is difficult to hold on, and I just vent and let it all out. I try not to, but I have done it. Now I wait it out, it takes a couple of hours at the most. I know myself now.
This is only my case, each case is different and each person should know what works for them. To me the bed becomes an island and I need to stay on it to keep myself from doing stupid things.
As I said the trick is to recognize this is not you, it is a distorted reality. Your problems and your flaws become magnified. Your emotions become intensified and it seems so real. it is important to understand it is not real, only portions of it are. Like a "based on reality" movie. it becomes twisted, and changed in a way to be more dramatic and have a larger impact. It looses proportion, and gets weaved into something unreal if you allow it to.
Waiting it out is not easy. Keeping yourself away from things that can harm you is not easy either. Alcohol makes things worse, it doesn't help, it's like throwing fuel to the fire.
It is hard to hang in there, but you need to remind yourself that you are strong and you can wait this one out. Watch a movie and get lost in it. Focus on it, pay attention, let it take you away until your feelings get back to a manageable state. Music might help, yes, but it doesn't take your focus away, sometimes it makes me worse.
A good friend does wonders in this case, to help remind you that this is not your reality and you need to wait the storm out. It also helps to listen to something they may have to say, their issues, even dumb things and silly things. It keeps you from spiraling out. No need to go over and over what is bothering you, you are just feeding the bad thoughts.
Please note that he has a doctor and a counselor. This is just something to help him cover some things so he can hang in there. Sad to say, I feel counselors, therapists, psychiatrists should help their patients learn how to deal with situations that come up in life when they can't be at the doctor's office. When the patient is home alone, he needs to know how to help himself. There seems to be a shortage on giving a shit about patients. I also realize that the doctors and counselors only see the picture the patient paints. I believe that the patient can, and should bring someone with them that sees them in their daily life. This could help the doctors and counselors understand the patient better, it paints a more complete picture.
And yes medications sometimes are a necessary evil. Please if you are taking meds do not stop without asking your doctor, it is dangerous to just stop.
Medication helps, but it doesn't cure mood swings, and it doesn't help you learn to make good decisions when your judgment is clouded and your "mind vision" is impaired. In this case it is good to have a good friend or family member help you realize you are not quite yourself, and that you need to stay put until the feelings pass.
When this happens to me, I feel like every little misfortune has turned into a big lumbering giant, sitting in my back, suffocating me. I feel a huge weight on me and I feel overwhelmed by bad feelings.
I suddenly think that I am worthless, not good enough. I feel that my husband would be better off with someone else who could make a better wife. I start kicking myself for past mistakes and at times I start having ideas of hurting myself. I have to catch myself and slow down. The trick is to recognize it, that is the hard part. Once you recognize it you need to find a way to control yourself.
There are different ways to do it, and different types of mood swings. For me, when I feel like my problems are too large or I feel down on myself and bad about myself, I go to the bedroom and turn on the TV on Neflix. I sit on the bed with the remote and I do not allow myself to move until the thoughts have dissipated. I play a movie and try to focus on it, and not let the bad thoughts take over. I do not go online, and I allow myself only to call Daniel, he is a good friend too and I trust him completely. I don't always call, but this was learned by trial and error. I used to go online and post stuff I regret later. I did that once, and then realized was a bad idea. I can briefly explain the situation and then talk about other things. Sometimes it is difficult to hold on, and I just vent and let it all out. I try not to, but I have done it. Now I wait it out, it takes a couple of hours at the most. I know myself now.
This is only my case, each case is different and each person should know what works for them. To me the bed becomes an island and I need to stay on it to keep myself from doing stupid things.
As I said the trick is to recognize this is not you, it is a distorted reality. Your problems and your flaws become magnified. Your emotions become intensified and it seems so real. it is important to understand it is not real, only portions of it are. Like a "based on reality" movie. it becomes twisted, and changed in a way to be more dramatic and have a larger impact. It looses proportion, and gets weaved into something unreal if you allow it to.
Waiting it out is not easy. Keeping yourself away from things that can harm you is not easy either. Alcohol makes things worse, it doesn't help, it's like throwing fuel to the fire.
It is hard to hang in there, but you need to remind yourself that you are strong and you can wait this one out. Watch a movie and get lost in it. Focus on it, pay attention, let it take you away until your feelings get back to a manageable state. Music might help, yes, but it doesn't take your focus away, sometimes it makes me worse.
A good friend does wonders in this case, to help remind you that this is not your reality and you need to wait the storm out. It also helps to listen to something they may have to say, their issues, even dumb things and silly things. It keeps you from spiraling out. No need to go over and over what is bothering you, you are just feeding the bad thoughts.
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