In this case..

Notes to self:
In the case of my sub... (keeping names out of it)


This morning I was talking to him, he seemed angry.  I should have realized what was going on when I asked if he was mad.  He answered yes, but not sure why.  He sounded bitter and seemed resentful of me.  Again..  pay attention:  NO REASON.


Later we talked a little over messenger and I saw the conversation going no where fast.  He was bashing himself, and feeling bad about things.  Said he felt worthless, that should have been a clue.


I tried talking to him and explaining how much he means to me, but he had stopped listening.  He seemed to be spiraling into self pity. I felt horrible thinking maybe I was hurting him in ways I had not intended.  My first reaction was to step back, away from him.  I as afraid I was causing him emotional pain. 


I need to remember how to tell when he slipping down into the dark side.  He was becoming angry and lashing out at me a bit.  I felt like he was trying to push me away, and decided maybe to do just that; get away.  But about  an hour later I realized he was not making sense, and he may be having issues.  So I let him be, and waited until he got off work so I could talk with him.


I called and it was clear he was slipping down.  I talked to him and he was more receptive and explained how he felt.  I understood how he was seeing things at the time.  He seemed to be calmer after a while, and I felt better.


He has agreed to listen to me when he can't see things clearly.  I will try to pay attention next time and see the signs.  That way I can call sooner and make sure he can hear me out. 


It feels like a kite, someone needs to grab the string when the wind blows too hard and it looses it's balance. Hold the string until the storm passes.


This is the second time in the last 2 or 3 weeks.  One of those times he was feeling terrible, angry and hurt.  he left work and went home because he couldn't manage his emotions.  I am not sure what triggered that one.  I am also not sure if it was just normal feeling of stress and too much on him right now.  He does have issues with his divorce and stress about his finances.  It is a lot for him to handle sometimes.  It is understandable.


I must remember that he may lash out at me because I am close.  I need to remember to not let him push me away.  I need to stand by him and make sure he can hang in there, even if it takes me yelling at him to get him to slow down and hang in there.


I wish I could help more, but I believe he can get through this.  He is stronger than he gives himself credit for.


I cannot believe such a loving beautiful person has been overlooked and pushed aside like he has.  I am so blessed to have him in my life.  I know he has trouble understanding that.  One day he will get it.