I was on Wllbutrin for about three years, it was workin ok, not great but better than without.
After I had issues with panic while swallowing pills, I had to go on Prozac, which is liquid. I looked it up and suggested it, the doctor said ok. But all it did was make me more tired and sleepy. I kept taking it for about 6 months or more. One day I stopped because I was trying for a baby. That didn't work, but I didn't go back on meds. I didn't see it helping anyway.
Well this year, I just got tired of being numb and tired. I feel numb a lot and rarely do I have any ups anymore. I used to have at least 2 manic days a month, during which I sued to clean the house good and catch up on things I put off.
I was assigned a new doctor, but last appotument was for meds and an initial consultation. So I talked to someone for a while about how I felt and she asked me all the questions they needed.
I got there late today and was stressed. I was literally running, because I was late. The doctor was stern and told me she read my file and wondered if I was truly bipolar. She asked if I am, how come I have not been on mood stabilizers. I said they tried 2 on me and I couldn't even walk. I fdrunartingk and couldn't walk, much less drive. I spaced out while on duty in Iraq, and fell asleep on my desk doing a report. I seriously didn't remember anything but starting my report and then waking up with a sticky note on my forehead. My supervisor said he let me be because he knew I was on meds and was unsure about this. I was not out long, but it scared me.
Anyway.. she said if I am truly bipolar, I need mood stabilizers. She went over my symptoms. She asked when the last time I had a manic episode. I said I don't remember. They used to happen once a month, 2 days. I would suddenly get energy and clean the whole house, till 1 am sometimes. I just would keep going and going. I could do 5 things at once and still keep track.
I have not had one in a long time, and that is why I asked for help. I felt numb and detached most of the time. I feel emotionally numb so much, I can barely feel sometimes.
She said this medication would help me.
While going over symptoms, she said she thinks I have ADD. I am suspecting she is right. I thought the inability to focus was part of bipolar.
I also just barely told Daniel about my OCD at night, and today I explained to the doctor why I can't rest at night. When I cannot sleep because there is a wrinkle on the sheets, or my shirt is "chocking" me, or my hair isn't laying just right, or I itch. Once I settle down, it's almost midnight and I still fidgety:
"I need lotion on my feet, wait, I need to clip that one nail that is catching on the sheets. Oh now that I am in the living room, let me get a cookie. Now that I have a cookie, I want a glass of juice to take to bed with me. Now back in bed.. I want to go pee. Now it's 1 am and I am finally in bed, staring like some weird owl. Ok sleep... Oh now I'm too hot, stick a leg out. Nope, put leg back in, it feels like both legs should be in or out, not one. Then I am hot, take the blankets off, sheet off. Now I am cold, wait.. what time is it? I need to be asleep!"
Problem is now hubby wants to put his arm around me, when I am barely getting to drift off to sleep, so I snap at him. he gets his feelings hurt and I am now wide awake. :(
Another thing. The doctor said try to go easy on coffee, it will just make me irritable. I said yes! I love coffee, and I drink it trying to wake up, but I seem to only get irritable and still tired. Plus the heartburn it causes sometimes.
OK.. so cut down on coffee, or get decaff. Ugh bad word! I love coffee because it is a comfort food for me, it doesn't make me wake up anymore. It used to in the 90s, but not now.
She also asked I slow down on alcohol, and try to not have it. I said if the meds work, I won't want it. Lately I am not even wanting any. I am so tired that I cannot even choose to drink. I just say yes to it hoping it will improve my mood. And after a few it used to. Now it doesn't even work like that. I just feel so tired and not interested even in drinking. It seems boring. yes I said that. SMH
Well I am going to write in here and track my progress. I take the first pill tonight.
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